If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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