Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
