Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
