is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
