We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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