could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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