Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
