Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
