Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
