I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
