so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
