apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
