woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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