did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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