So drunk, too bad you don't want this
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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