we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
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