why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
