Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
