They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
