haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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