He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
