i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
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