You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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