The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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