Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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