I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
