Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
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I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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