he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
