Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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