when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
