dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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