I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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