I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Sober January is a disaster.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
