she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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