but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
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I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
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If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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