I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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