I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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