I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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