just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
