Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
