so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
