I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
