I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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