This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
