Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
