guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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