Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
