I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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