nut hugger
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
