Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
