I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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