she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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