I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
