I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
