Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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