ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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