My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
