I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
