I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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