Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I am midnight drunk by noon
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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