First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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