Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
