Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
