I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
