I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
