I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
