we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
