You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
