I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
