I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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