Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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